"Happily Ever After "

Corie's Story

© 2005 Marilyn Havner Walker, MS  

Happily ever after rarely looks the way we think it will.

That was certainly the case with Corie. 

Corie’s happily ever after, one most of us can identify with, included marrying a man she loved, having a family, and growing old together. 

She was off to a good start when she met Doug in 1992.  When they met it was not “an earth shattering moment,” and they didn’t actually start dating until a year later.  But when Corie met Doug there was “simply a realization that he was there” and that she wanted to get to know him better. 

And she did just that.  They were married on a hot August day in 1994.  Their wedding was just as she dreamed it would be.  “… glorious, overwhelming, scary and full of promise.”  Corie and Doug eagerly looked forward to sharing life and growing old together surrounded by children and grandchildren. 

But Corie’s happily ever after ended abruptly six months later when Doug was diagnosed with cardiomyopathy and congestive heart failure.  He was 25 years old. 

Cardiomyopathy (literally “disease of the heart muscle”) is the leading cause of heart failure and the most common reason for needing a heart transplant.  It reduces the heart’s ability to pump blood to the rest of the body.  It is different from other heart problems because it frequently affects younger people.  Congestive heart failure happens when the heart’s weak pumping action causes a buildup of fluid (congestion) in the lungs and other body tissues.  Symptoms of cardiomyopathy and congestive heart failure are similar: shortness of breath, fatigue, weakness, light-headedness.  Because they start out mild and worsen over time they are often misdiagnosed (“exercise-induced asthma”) or undetected.  According to the American Heart Association nearly 300,000 people in the US have cardiomyopathy, and approximately 5 million (many elderly) have congestive heart failure.  There are about 550,000 new cases each year.  In 1995 Doug was one of them.

In Corie’s words she and Doug “chose to dig our heels in, cling to our faith in our God who has a divine plan for us, and fight for our life together.”  Their fight lasted six years.  During that time they had a son, saw a lot of doctors and specialists, researched all their options, and tried to learn as much as they could about what they would be facing.  But everywhere they turned they consistently heard words they did not want to hear:  “You’ll need a heart transplant.”  Hard to believe when such a short time before Doug was the picture of health – young, vibrant and in love. 

By 2000 Doug’s condition had deteriorated to the point that he needed monthly hospitalizations and he was no longer able to work or drive.  In June 2001 Doug entered the hospital for the last time.  Corie was still hoping against all odds that something would happen and Doug would recover.  But he didn’t.  He died on July 5, 2001, but not before planning his own memorial service and discussing parenting issues that Corie would have to deal with alone.  Together they decided that their son, only three at the time, would wait until he was six to start kindergarten.  Corie described Doug as being the “bravest soul I have ever met,” facing his death with dignity and humor.  And no fear.

Happily ever after was over.  At least, Corie thought it was. 

It was hard enough being a 32-year-old widow with a small child, but no one Corie had known had ever gone through such a devastating experience.  She felt as though she was “standing on the edge of an abyss” not knowing what to do.  She felt alone and helpless.  Doug’s illness had depleted any financial reserves they had.  She didn’t know how to be a single parent.  Outside of her relationship with God she didn’t know where to turn.  There just wasn’t a policy manual or a rule book – or a map – to tell her which direction to turn.  Then she realized this was her journey – no one else’s – and she would have to figure out which way to go on her own with only God’s help. 

About a year after Doug’s death Corie decided to pull up stakes in the area they called home and move to Central PA to be closer to her family.  She considers it one of the best decisions she ever made.  She obtained a job in her area of expertise (social work) and began rekindling old friendships and making new ones.  Life was looking up.

Another year later Corie hit another red light: The non-profit agency she was working for experienced some significant financial problems and she lost her job.  She joined a temp service while she researched the job market.  None of the jobs she worked on felt like a good fit.  She knew from her 12 years of executive management experience with non-profits that she had never been paid what she was worth, and she just didn’t want to work 14 hour days or live from paycheck to paycheck.  Going back to school and making a complete career change wasn’t feasible.

She thought long and hard about which way to turn at this red light.  Not unlike what she did when Doug became ill Corie researched and seriously considered all her options.  She realized:

• She didn’t want to work for anyone else.
• She didn’t want to risk being “downsized” again.
• She didn’t want to be paid less than what she was worth.
• She wanted to shape her own future.

She started to think about starting her own business.  She evaluated her marketable skills, what she liked to do and what she was good at doing and decided there was no reason why she couldn’t start a virtual assistant practice.  So she did.  Core Office Solutions.  She surrounded herself with a great support team, did more research, attended free workshops sponsored by SCORE, and joined the International Virtual Assistants Association. 

What helped her as she started her business?

• Surrounding herself with the right people.  These were people who believed in her success, people with experience in entrepreneurship and small business marketing, and people who would tell her what she needed to hear and not what she wanted to hear.
• Doing all the research to know what she was getting into.  Although there were naysayers (“There’s no way [a single mom with limited resources] can pull this off!”) she didn’t enter this venture blindly.  She knew what she was up against.  She used her small savings to hire an accountant and get her website up and running.  She was ready to go.

• Believing she could do it.  After searching the job market for a long time and not finding a fit, this “felt incredible.”  She knew it was the right fit for her.

What were her biggest challenges?

• Keeping her expectations of the business realistic.  She had to realize she was starting from nothing to build something.  She had to choose to not feel overwhelmed by that thought.  She knew it was not going to be an immediate success. 
• Realizing it was up to her to make things happen.  Corie said, “No one else is going to do it for me.  Owning a business means you are responsible for your own success and you have to stay focused, schedule everything, stay organized, and take time for yourself.”
• Marketing the business when she didn’t have the financial resources to do so.  She has learned to be patient and realistic about her financial goals. 

Corie thought her happily ever after would be with her husband and the family they would raise together.  Corie said she has traveled a long road to not only be content with her life but to consider the future exciting.  The most rewarding aspect of owning her own business is that her son is so proud of her, and that she is able to be the Little League mom, be at the bus stop, etc. 

Corie could have chosen to give up when Doug died.  There were many days when she felt like it.  But she got out of bed, put one foot in front of the other, and kept going.  Although grief can sometimes be consuming and excruciating Corie can attest that there can be happiness on the other side.  “Now I choose not only to live, but to live boldly!  To be the best parent I can be, to unconditionally love those around me, to be thankful for what I have, to jump in the dating pool, to further my career and make my dreams come true.”  Those would be her new dreams.  Dreams she knows Doug wanted her to have.

“I don’t know what the future holds, but I sure am excited to find out!”  Corie has shown that happily ever after can occur in ways that are entirely different than you ever imagined.

 Visit Corie's web site at www.coreofficesolutions.com

 For more information about SCORE - Counselors to America's Small Business - visit www.score.org.

For more information about virtual assistants visit www.ivaa.org.

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